The older I get, it seems, the less I know and what I think I know isn’t always right. Another thing I don’t know is whether that is a product of aging, forgetting, or as my Aunt Jewel used to say, “my brain is rusting”. But one thing I know is tomorrow is August 4, and Little Carter would have been six months old. I’m also sure that tomorrow will be a rough day for a lot of us; none more so than you two and my heart breaks for you.
I was thinking earlier about the time before Carter was born; thinking about your pregnancy and the day you texted me to send a song each day for you and Carter. You had “belly buds” so he could hear the song and you could hear through ear buds. (I’d never heard of belly buds). Anyway, it was a lot of fun to share songs with you and Carter and I was always interested in what genre got the biggest response out of him. Some of the songs were intentionally silly, some serious, some were favorites of mine, and some were meant to send a message to you and to him. I’d like to remind you of two that were meant to send a message; 1) ”Hold on Tight” by Electric Light Orchestra and 2) “Do it or Die” by The Atlanta Rhythm Section. The message of both of these songs is to let nothing stand in the way of your dreams and aspirations and that message is just as important now (maybe more so) than when I sent it.
Birthdays are generally days to celebrate and I think that’s what you should do tomorrow. Go get a cupcake or a piece of birthday cake and celebrate the birth of the beautiful boy that you had and celebrate the time together with him. Celebrate the times you took him for a walk, the times you cuddled with him, the laughter and joy he brought to your life and the time you spent watching him sleep. I know you will miss him, but don’t let the sorrow of losing him drown out the joy of having him just for tomorrow. Then you can resume the grieving process afterwards. But for tomorrow, let’s have a birthday party! I love you both!